


What can we do now?

by A (AILiSeki)



Series: The Queasy Questions, or Why Is This Happening To Us? [2]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, All the Wrong Questions - Lemony Snicket
Genre: ASOUE with ATWQ characters, Alternate Universe, Gen, Roleswap, The Grim Grotto, no intros we start in the middle of the action
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 20:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21167411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AILiSeki/pseuds/A
Summary: The Snicket siblings have been rescued by a submarine commanded by a girl looking for her missing father, but their peace last little as soon they encounter a deadly fungus, bad spelling, drugged children and a coded telegram.





	What can we do now?

The Snicket siblings watched as the _Question_ was invaded by Dr. Feint, his evil girlfriend Dame Sally Murphy, and the boy who had recently joined them, Stew Mitchum.

If you have followed the story of the Snicket siblings so far - and I fully hope you haven’t - then you know the arrival of the villain, who had been pursuing them everywhere they went since their parents’ deaths, could only mean more trouble and sadness to them.

“Look what we’ve got here.” Dr. Feint said. “I thought you brats would be sleeping with the fish by now.”

Usually, Lemony would have a smart answer to him, but right now he was stuck in his diving helmet as a deadly fungus spread through his lungs. The last thing the siblings needed to deal with right now was the villain. If they didn’t find an antidote soon, he would die.

“Tell me where is my statue!” Sally demanded.

“We don’t know anything about that statue!” Jacques said in a desperate voice.

“Do you really expect us to believe that,” dr. Feint said, “when you are in a submarine built to find it?”

The children watched as he took a few steps forward, to the wall where the portrait of Ellington and her father hung. The image of a two years younger Ellington was intact, but her father’s face had been ripped off from it.

Ellington had said her father had left her. She spent two years commanding the _Question_, looking for him. The Snicket siblings knew she wasn’t telling the whole story, but they didn’t have time to discuss it alone.

It wasn’t surprising to them to learn that the submarine had been looking for something else besides a missing scientist.

“Did you find it, Ellington?” Dr. Feint asked, turning to the young captain.

Lemony tried to rest his head on Kit’s shoulder the best he could. The fungus was making him tired, and he didn’t want to hear the rest of that conversation. He also wanted to somehow tell his sister: “You were right, we shouldn’t have trusted her.” Because he suspected what Ellington’s answer would be, but he still hoped he was wrong.

“No, father,” Ellington said. “Our calculations took us to the old laboratory, but it wasn’t there.”

Jacques and Kit looked at her in disappointment, but not surprise.

“You used us to help him,” Jacques said. It wasn’t a question.

“I had to,” Ellington said, and for maybe a millisecond she looked ashamed.

“You entered the laboratory?” Dr. Feint said, his eyebrows raising.

“No,” Ellington replied, and for a moment the villain looked relieved. “We had to check the cave.”

“What is happening to him?” Stew asked, pointing to Lemony, who barely could stand on his own anymore.

“He was infected by the Medusoid Mycelium.” Kit said, as she tried to support her brother the best she could.

Dr. Feint and Sally took a step away from the children.

“The fungus is contained by his diving suit,” Ellington explained.

Hearing this, Dr. Feint walked towards the siblings and pulled Lemony.

“Fascinating.” He said, examining what he could see of the boy from the helmet. “If we are careful, we can extract a sample from him.”

“Isn’t this how you lost the old lab-“ Sally said.

“Not another word, Sally!” Dr. Feint interrupted her. “Don’t you see how big this is? If we get the Medusoid Mycelium, we won’t even need that stupid statue anymore.”

Sally seemed offended at the idea.

“I need my statue and I won’t rest until I get it back!”

“You won’t extract anything from my brother!” Kit argued. “We will find the antidote to save him!”

“I’m afraid you won’t have the time for it.” Dr. Feint said in a tone that made it clear it didn’t sadden him at all. “Get your notes, Ellington, and then you can put these brats in a cell. We need to talk, Sally.”

“What about me?” Stew whined.

“Go practice a ballet routine, I don’t care. Just stay out of the way.”

Stew crossed his arms. “Or I can interrogate the brats.”

“You won’t get near them.” Dr. Feint said in a tone that didn’t accept complains. “This is adults’ business.”

Dr. Feint was the first to leave the submarine, followed by Sally and then a reluctant Stew. Ellington went to her office.

“What can we do now?” Jacques whispered to his siblings.

“I could fix the submarine.” Kit said, putting a hand inside her pocket and feeling her pencils. “But we would still be trapped inside Dr. Feint’s submarine.”

“Maybe we can take some of Ellington’s books with us. So we can try to find the antidote.” Jacques suggested. “But I don’t think Dr. Feint’s cell is going to have it.”

“Ell...” Lemony managed to utter in a weak voice.

Ellington returned, carrying some folders and papers.

“How could you do this?” Kit asked. “Lemony trusted you!”

“People like us can’t afford to trust anyone,” Ellington said. Her voice was sad, as if she too had been betrayed by someone she once trusted.

“You don’t need to do this, Ellington,” Jacques said. “Dr. Feint is a wicked man. You don’t need to help him.”

“He is my father, my only family. Would any of you abandon your family?”

Kit felt Lemony holding her tighter. She exchanged a look with Jacques. They wouldn’t. They took care of their own.

“He abandoned you.” Kit said.

Ellington lowered her eyebrows. “You don’t know the whole story.”

“I know that we found a girl taking care of a submarine alone, and a torn family portrait on the wall.” Kit replied.

Ellington raised her eyes to the portrait.

“Please, Ellington. Lemony is dying, and who knows what that man will do if he gets his hands on the fungus or the statue.” Kit insisted.

“Things weren’t always like this, Snicket,” Ellington said. “My father is not a wicked man.”

The three siblings rolled their eyes, unable to believe her words.

“It is true.” Ellington insisted. “We used to travel together in this submarine, watching the marine life. But everything changed when Sally Murphy’s statue was stolen.”

“What can be so important about this statue?” Jacques asked. The siblings had asked this question before, when they first met her, and she said she didn’t know. Now she had a new chance to say the truth.

But the girl just shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that we must find it before VFD.”

“Our parents were VFD members.” Kit said.

“I know,” Ellington said. “But you are not them.”

“And you are not your father,” Jacques said.

Ellington looked away from them.

“I will do what I have to do.”

* * *

The siblings had no choice but to follow Ellington inside Dr. Feint’s submarine. The girl would not let them stay in the _Question_ looking for the antidote, as she was decided to follow her father’s orders. Lemony’s breathing was heavy, and Kit and Jacques took turns helping him walk. They crossed a few corridors until they arrived in a large room.

There was a roll of benches near each wall, and a group of children sat on them, moving giant oars that stuck through the walls. The children wore slippery diving suits with the image of what looked like a black seahorse on their chests, and they looked tired and confused. It reminded the Snicket siblings of two of their past guardians, the Knight couple, who had been kept drugged by their villainous doctor so he could have control of their fortune.

In the front of the room, facing the children, was Stew Mitchum. He seemed to have followed Dr. Feint’s suggestion, as he was dancing, and now the siblings noticed that he was even wearing a somewhat appropriate outfit for it, though it seemed he was a bit confused about what sort of dance he wanted to do: a pink collant, leg warmers, and tap shoes. The outfit was complemented by a pair of plastic wings, a light pink lab coat, and a handmade tiara. In the lack of music he sang his own:

“S is for special, T is for the best, E is for intelligent, W is for- _what are you doing here?_”

Ellington stopped walking, and so did the Snicket siblings behind her.

“I am taking the Snickets to the cell, as dr. Feint ordered. What are _you_ doing?”

“You interrupted my performance!” Stew complained. “Now I have to start over!”

Ellington and the Snicket siblings looked at the “audience”, that seemed to barely acknowledge said performance.

“Go ahead,” Ellington said. “I have important business to do. If you will excuse me.”

She walked past him, followed by the Snicket siblings.

“You think you are such a big deal just because you are _Daddy’s girl_.” Stew said in a mocking tone. “But you had years with that submarine and never did anything useful.”

Ellington stopped. Her face was blank, but there was a tension coming from her.

“And you are _so_ invaluable, aren’t you? I bet this dancing is very helpful.”

“Don’t use sarcasm on me.” Stew said, clenching his fists.

“I will be direct then,” Ellington said, not affected by his tone. “You are the lowest of the low here. Dr. Feint doesn’t even want your opinion on the business with the statue. You better find something useful to do or else. You know what he does with annoying brats.” She pointed to the tired children.

Stew was furious, but he seemed to be having a hard time coming up with a comeback. Ellington used the chance to lead the Snicket siblings out of the rowing room.

“Who is this boy?” Ellington asked after they were at a good distance from him.

“Stew Mitchum,” Jacques replied. “We first met him at Wade Academy.”

“Was he always this...?”

“Infuriating?” Kit asked. “Yes.”

Lemony nodded weakly.

* * *

“How are you feeling?” Kit asked as Lemony rested his head on her lap.

Lemony couldn’t form the words for a proper answer. The three of them knew they were running out of time.

As they expected, the cell had no books for them to research the antidote, nor any ingredients to test. Jacques and Kit felt powerless as they watched their brother get weaker and weaker.

“Maybe,” Kit swallowed, “maybe we should just open Lemony’s helmet. At least-“

“Kit, no!” Jacques exclaimed, as if she was about to do as she saying.

“At least it would stop dr. Feint.”

“This is wrong, and you know it. Besides, what about those children in the rowing room?”

“I know it’s wrong.” Kit whispered. “But what else can we do? I don’t want to just sit here and wait to watch Lemony d-,” she sobbed and couldn’t finish it.

Jacques wanted to say they would find a way out, but even he couldn’t see any hopes in the situation.

There was a moment of silence before Kit spoke:

“What do you think our parents would say if they were here?”

“If our parents were with us, we wouldn’t have ended up here,” Jacques mumbled.

Kit’s face darkened. He didn’t like it.

“They would say they love us no matter what.” He offered. “And that we did our best.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on Kit’s face.

“Jacques, before the fire, I-“

She was interrupted by knocking on the door. Soon it appeared, and there stood Ellington.

“How is Lemony?” She asked.

“Why do you ask?” Kit retorted. “Did your father order you to check?”

“I am asking because I care,” Ellington said. “He has half an hour left.”

“Thanks for the good news,” Jacques said.

“I do have good news,” Ellington replied, unaffected by his sarcasm. “Kit, do you really think you could fix my submarine?”

“Yes.” Kit answered, confused.

“In less than thirty minutes?”

“I- yes, maybe. Why?”

“In thirty minutes, I will open the door by which this submarine captured mine. If you can fix it, you may be able to escape.” Ellington explained.

“What about Lemony?” Jacques asked.

“I found out where you can find the antidote. Chapter Forty of Mushroom Minutiae. I have a copy in my library.”

“You lied to us about it too.” Kit accused. “You said you had no idea about the antidote.”

“And I don’t. I never read that book. But someone told me where to find the answer.” Ellington said.

“Who?” Jacques asked. “Dr. Feint?”

“No. A girl in the rowing room. Her name is Cleo Knight.”

“Cleo Knight? The daughter of Doretta and Ignatius?” Jacques asked. “What is she doing here?”

“That’s the wrong question, Snicket,” Ellington said. “There’s something else.” She put a hand in her pocket and took a folded paper from it.

She gave it to Kit.

“What’s this?”

“The telegram machine wasn’t broken. This arrived a little before I found you. You should read it later.” She lowered her eyes for a moment.

Kit wanted to read it right then, but she knew it wasn’t time for telegrams.

“I will leave the door open. You have thirty minutes to get in the submarine without being seen, fix it and cure Lemony.”

Lemony struggled to stand up and needed Kit’s help, but he managed to do it and look at Ellington’s eyes.

“Why?”

Ellington took his hand in hers.

“Because you have to show me all the places you promised.” And then she let go, and turned around to leave. “Don’t be caught.”

Lemony wanted to say something, but his throat was too sore and he wasn’t sure if he was thinking right. He had a feeling this was the last time he would see Ellington, and he didn’t want it to be true.

* * *

As the Snicket siblings passed by the rowing room again, they paused for a moment to look at all those children, with their blank and tired faces. One of those children was Cleo Knight. Were the other missing children of their past guardians there too? Was Dr. Feint behind this mystery all along?

They didn’t have the time to figure, nor to help the children, as much as they wanted. They had little time to save themselves.

As they arrived inside the submarine, Kit put her hair up in a bun, and Jacques went to Ellington’s library. Lemony just sat down, feeling the world spinning.

“Mushroom Minutiae, Chapter Forty.” Kit reminded Jacques.

Jacques found the book and started looking for the chapter. “Good thing Ellington organizes her books in a simple way. Do you need any help?”

“I got this, just find the antidote.” Kit paused. “These books aren’t really Ellington’s, right?”

Jacques sighed.

“Dr. Feint is a scientist.” Kit continued. “Even if he spends more time tormenting us than researching.”

“We can think about this later. We are not safe yet.” Jacques said.

So they went to work. Kit examined the cut glass on the ground, while Jacques tried to make sense of the book.

After a few minutes, Jacques shouted:

“Horseradish! The antidote is horseradish!”

Kit looked at him, knowing he was thinking the same as her.

“The kitchen!”

They checked every cabinet and drawer, and found a variety of spices, but no horseradish.

“Ellington knew about the fungus!” Kit said. “She should have some somewhere.”

“She said she never read the book,” Jacques said. “Or maybe... maybe it was on purpose.”

Kit lowered her head, not wanting her brother to see how near she was to crying.

“This is not fair! We found the answer! We did everything right!”

Jacques didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t fair, nothing they went through these last months was fair.

“We didn’t check the fridge.” He said instead. He knew it was unlikely the antidote would be there, but delaying the inevitable felt like the right thing to do.

As he imagined, they didn’t find horseradish, but they did find a small cake. The icing on top formed the letters J and K.

“It’s today.” Kit said, feeling her tears falling. “It’s our birthday.”

“He remembered,” Jacques said.

Kit wiped her eyes even as the tears kept falling.

“We need to find something. Maybe there’s something that can replace horseradish.”

“But what?” Jacques asked. “We can’t simply try every spice on here, can we?”

They heard footsteps approached. Lemony stopped by the door, tired from the walk. He pointed to the cabinet they had just checked.

“We didn’t find any horseradish,” Jacques said.

“We are trying to find a replacement.” Kit said.

Lemony nodded, and kept pointing to the cabinet.

“Do you want to check too?” Kit asked.

He nodded again. And so the children went over the spices.

Lemony had always loved learning, ever since he was a small child. Once, when he was 10, he decided to try to learn some languages on his own. He never got fluent in any of them, but he remembered a few things, included how to read the word on the label of a small bottle in the cabinet, written in a foreign script, which happened to be the name of a culinary equivalent of horseradish.

He showed the bottle to his siblings, that couldn’t read the word “_wasabi_” written on there, but realized what he meant.

“Do you think this is the antidote?” Jacques asked.

Lemony nodded.

“Alright. You will need to take off this helmet. The fungus will probably spread, so you should try to leave some of this for us too, just in case.”

Lemony nodded. He had thought of it too.

He opened the bottle and removed his helmet, quickly closing it off try preventing the fungus from escaping. Then he took a bit of the bitter substance.

Slowly, he felt his breath coming easier. His siblings watched expectantly.

“How do you feel?” Kit asked.

Lemony wasn’t sure. A bit nauseous. A headache. But he could breathe, and that was an immense relief.

“Say something!” Jacques cried, afraid it didn’t work.

“‘Intelligent’ isn’t spelled with an e.”

That was enough for Jacques and Kit to know their little brother was back.

* * *

Ellington kept her word. Kit had finished putting the glass into place, using gum as a glue. She just hoped it would be enough.

As the ocean water surrounded the submarine, Kit’s invention was put to proof. The siblings celebrated as the water stayed outside, where it should be.

“To where now?” She asked her brothers.

“Anywhere away from Dr. Feint and that sinister cephalopode,” Lemony said.

“Away from Ellington too?” Jacques asked in a soft tone.

Lemony lowered his eyes.

“She made her choice, right?” Lemony said. “I should have known she was not a noble person.”

Kit frowned. She had insisted from the start that they didn’t trust Ellington, and she should feel like she was right, but she didn’t.

“I don’t think it is that simple.” She said, carefully. “She did help us escape.”

“After lying to us,” Jacques said. “Wait, what was that telegram she gave you?”

Kit had already forgotten about it. She took the paper from her pocket and unfolded it.

“It’s from Lizzie.” Kit said, unbelieving in what she was reading.

“What does she say?” Jacques asked.

“‘_It is my understanding that you have three additional volunteers on board STOP._’” She swallowed. “‘_We are in desperate need of their services for a most urgent matter STOP._’ I hope she is not in trouble. ‘_Please deliver them Tuesday to the location indicated below._’”

“What location?” Lemony asked.

“I don’t know.” Kit cried. “There is a fragment of a play. I don’t know what it means.”

“So it is from Lizzie,” Jacques said, remembering the girl was an aspiring actress. “It must be coded.”

“How can we know what code it is?” Kit asked.

“Can I see it?” Lemony asked.

Kit hesitated for a moment, not wanting to part from the only words she had from the girl she cared so much about, but decoding the message was more important. She gave it to her brother.

“I know this,” Lemony said, frowning. “I have read this before, but something isn’t right.”

“Verse Fluctuation Declaration,” Jacques said, referencing the code the siblings found out in the Gorgonian Grotto.

“But it’s a play, not poetry,” Lemony said.

“Maybe it’s a variation?” Kit suggested.

Lemony looked back at the words.

“I don’t remember the right words.” Then an idea illuminated his face. “Ellington said her father enjoyed theater!”

“That’s hard to imagine,” Jacques said.

“I agree,” Lemony said. “But maybe there’s something in the library that can help. I should check it.”

“You should rest!” Kit said. “We can take care of this.”

“You have to control the submarine. And Jacques is the only one who can read the charts. I can do this, Kit.” Lemony said, trying to sound assuring. But his voice was rough and he still looked tired. “I am alright.” He insisted.

“He’s right,” Jacques said.

“Alright.” Kit agreed.

* * *

Briny Beach was cold, colder than it was that morning when the Snicket siblings received the news of their parents’ death.

It felt like a lifetime ago. If they could see their reflections in the dark ocean water, they would see they looked so different from the children they were back then.

“Snickets!” Called a female voice. “It’s really you!”

They turned around and saw the shape of Ghede’s and Gifford’s small black car. Ghede walked to them, looking like she couldn’t believe she was seeing them, Gifford right behind.

“How much trouble have you caused us,” Ghede said, in the seemingly sweet tone she always used with the children, even when giving the worst of news. “Your parents never taught you that you can’t simply murder a man, set fire to a hospital and just run away?”

“It’s you who we are meant to met?” Jacques said.

“A meeting?” Gifford asked. “No, no, you can’t meet anyone. We have to present you three to the authorities.”

“We can’t go with you,” Lemony said, confident. “We have some important business to attend to.”

“You are children. What important business can you have?” Ghede asked.

Kit and Jacques gave their brother a curious look.

“We’re about to find out,” Lemony said, walking to the opposite direction from which Ghede and Gifford came.

His siblings followed.

“Lizzie’s message.” He explained. “There were more words. They were ‘green’, ‘roadster’ and ‘kit’.” He pointed to the distance, where sand became concrete. A green roadster was parked there.

“I see a green roadster,” Jacques confirmed. “But what did she mean by kit? VFD’s disguise kit?”

“I thought of a first aid kit,” Lemony said.

Kit’s cheeks blushed.

“Or maybe she just wanted to say my name.” She looked away. “Let’s go.”

The children walked to the green roadster. As they approached, the door opened. The first thing they could see was a mass of hair curling in all directions. Then, they noticed the small woman to who they belonged.

“Snickets.” She greeted, and her voice was firm and yet gentle. “I was waiting for you.”

“Who are you?” Kit asked.

The woman’s lips curled slightly up.

“I am S. Theodora Markson.” The name rang a bell in their minds. “You must be full of questions. Come in. We have work to do.”

The siblings exchanged a look before opening the back door. S. Theodora Markson took the driver seat, and drove the children away.

If they looked back, they could still see Ghede and Gifford staring in confusion. But the Snicket siblings didn’t. For the first time since their parents’ death, they weren’t being dragged around. For the first time, they were making their own choice. And while, I am sorry to say, it is a choice that would only bring more pain, at that moment they felt like they were breaking their unfortunate cycle.

**Author's Note:**

> Since this AU is a work in progress, the “final” version will likely have some differences from this, but between waiting until such “final” version is done and writing what I had, I chose the latter. 
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who keeps encouraging me (whether they know it or not), and specially to raspberryswish on tumblr who suggested “Question” as Ellington’s submarine’s name. Also to lyeekha who gave some amazing name suggestions too!
> 
> By the way, Dr. Feint’s submarine _is_ the one we knew as the Carmelita. I’m following the theory by snicketstrange on tumblr that it was originally a IS submarine, later stolen by Olaf.


End file.
